Premier Williams Discusses Plot to Invade Canada

Well folks, it looks like the secret is out. At the second annual Premiers dinner in St. John’s this week Danny Williams finally unveiled the master plan of the Nation of Newfoundland and Labrador. After 60 years of planning and decades of untold sacrifice by thousands of our people, the time is finally at hand.

In just a few short months we invade Canada, take control of the government and form the Country of Newfoundcanada.

Williams, who appeared quite at ease, was very open and honest with the 600 or so guests at the gathering, explaining how the Province’s out-migration over the past decades had been nothing more than the strategic placement of over 50,000 covert operatives in key areas of the Country. He even went so far as to name names.

Williams identified media expert Rex Murphy as being in position to take control of the national media and noted that we are finally ready, now that Newfoundland and Labrador’s own, General Rick Hillier has taken control of Canada’s 60,000 regular forces and over 30,000 reserves.

Williams commented on how our 30,000 plus fisherpersons would lead with a naval attack Cape Breton. According to Williams, since people in Cape Breton have much the same accent, cultural influences and unemployment problems as Newfoundland and Labrador, the rest of Canada won’t even notice this first wave.

Of course once Cape Breton has been breeched, it’s a short march across the Canso Causway and into the rest of the Atlantic Canada. This area is expected to fall within days as many citizens are considered largely sympathetic and basically pissed with the rest of Canada anyway.

Although he didn’t mention it, the truth of the matter is that most of Canada probably won’t notice anything out of the ordinary until our troops pass out of the Atlantic Provinces and into other parts of Canada. This is where the genius of the plan really takes flight.

The key will be to attack Ontario and Quebec immediately after the first major snowfall this winter. It’s a well known fact that any snowfall of more than six inches will automatically bring these provinces to their knees and force them to call in the military.

General Rick Hillier’s military.

As the snow flies and our soldiers move into position in the city centers an operative at the Churchill Falls generating plant in Labrador will be given a signal directly from HQ high atop Signal Hill to flip the switch and plunge much of the eastern seaboard of North America into total darkness.

This of course is where our boy Rex Murphy, who will have taken control of the national broadcasting service, comes in. His job will be to go on the air and reassure the general public that the power problems they are experiencing are simply a result of the storm and that there is nothing to worry about. He will advise them to remain in their homes and to stay off the streets. Of course while all of this is happening the governments of Canada’s two largest provinces will simply welcome our armed forces in and give them free reign on the streets of Toronto, Montreal and Ottawa.

When Ottawa falls, so to does the Nation.

It’s a great plan of course, but Premier Williams can’t take all the credit. Once again it’s a case of being in the right place at the right time in history. The reality is that this plan was developed nearly three years before Confederation. It was during a weekend of heavy partying at a local watering hole in downtown Gambo that Joey Smallwood and two of his cronies cooked up the plan on the back of a purity biscuit box.

From those humble beginnings grew a complex tapestry of lies and deceptions of cunning exploits and acts of heroism that could not be spoken of outside the Province until now. It was this plan that started us on the road to Confederation, a road taken to facilitate our covert operations inside Canada.

Much of the credit must also go to every Newfoundlander and Labradorean who sacrificed inside the Dominion, waiting for this moment to arrive.

After years of seeing our best young men and women leave the Nation of Newfoundland and Labrador in order to infiltrate areas of strategic importance throughout Canada, the wait is over. The vast oil and gas industrial complexes of Alberta have been infiltrated. The chemical and aerospace plants in Ontario and Quebec have been infiltrated. Media, military, universities and factories from one end of Canada to the other have been infiltrated. In fact, there is not one part of the great nation of Canada, including its government that has not been infiltrated by one of our operatives.

The plan will succeed. Of that there is no doubt. It has been too well planned and executed not to.

I know many of you may be wondering why Danny Williams tipped his hand just a few months before the invasion and why I have expanded on the details. I’ll tell you why.

The truth is that it doesn’t matter. Most people in the rest of Canada never listen to anything said down east and the few who might listen won’t pay any attention to it. It’s just a big joke like everything else east of Quebec.

I bet they won’t even realize the takeover is complete until the see the Green White and Pink raised over the Parliament building the day after the big storm.