Happy Halloween from Canada's Official House of Horrors

Halloween is upon us again. This year, if you’re in the neighbourhood, you might want to pay a visit to Canada’s official House of Political Horrors, or as it's sometimes pronounced in the often quaint dialect of Newfoundland and Labrador, the "House of Whores".

Sitting high atop Parliament Hill the House of Horrors is a place where vile acts often disgust even the most hardened among us.

Canada’s Official House of Horrors is a place where, over the years, thousands of strong willed individuals have succumbed to the will of the most horrific of brainwashing entities known only as “the party”. It is not fully understood if this “party” refers to some sort of mind numbing creature or if it’s perhaps a cult like group that despises any independent thought.

Visit the “Red” chamber, where the ghosts of former politicians and patronage appointees roam aimlessly. These spirits are responsible only to their political masters, but don’t fear them, for they are weak and essentially harmless. Just remember, you may have to look closely to spot one as many of the creatures known as "senators" only appear in the chamber on rare occasions.

The red chamber is a place where men and women who once fought valiantly for their people willingly relinquish their credibility, sense of reason and have their very hearts ripped from their still moving bodies.

If your will is strong, and your nerves don’t “give up the ghost”, you might also want to stop by the lower chamber.

This area is known as the “House of Commons” referring to the “commoners” who are rarely allowed inside its cavernous maw, is a place where after endless tortured debate, the hopes, dreams and aspirations of millions of taxpayers die a horrible death or are corrupted to match the will of the hollow spirits that dwell within.

The terrible acts that take place in the two main chambers of the House of Horrors are not for the faint of heart but they are nothing to those acts committed behind the closed doors of this massive stone structure. Whatever you do, do not cast your eyes beyond the most public of areas or you may never be the same again.

In the deepest recesses men and women, who in public appear almost normal, quietly make plans among themselves that the average mortal can only imagine in their worst nightmares. Decisions are made to send men to their deaths in war torn countries. The wanton destruction of entire industries and the livelihoods of thousands are gambled away as if with some unholy deck of cards. It is here that the coldest and most calculating of decisions are made on which of Canada’s people will prosper and which will whither away and die.

As you wander the corridors keep your eyes open for such strange beings as the “back bencher”, the “whip” or the rarely seen but much talked about “usher of the black rod”. At all costs, beware of the ultimate unholy power lurking inside the House, the PM.

Since the beginning there have been many powerful leaders of those who spend their time in Canada’s House of Horrors. The latest all powerful Master is one whose true motives are as yet unknown. He is a spectre who can strike his minions mute by the shear power of his presence, is quick to banish anyone who disputes his omnipotence and relishes preying on the weak.

Canada’s Official House of Horrors is a must see this Halloween but one word of caution, don’t bring your loot bag hoping to receive some special treat. All treats are reserved for those living in the closest proximity to the House and for those who come dressed as some indefinable entity referred to as a “nation within a nation”. All others are the beneficiaries of only the most terrible of tricks.