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Sunday, October 28, 2007

Happy Halloween from Canada's Official House of Horrors

Halloween is upon us again. This year, if you’re in the neighbourhood, you might want to pay a visit to Canada’s official House of Political Horrors, or as it's sometimes pronounced in the often quaint dialect of Newfoundland and Labrador, the "House of Whores".


Sitting high atop Parliament Hill the House of Horrors is a place where vile acts often disgust even the most hardened among us.
Canada’s Official House of Horrors is a place where, over the years, thousands of strong willed individuals have succumbed to the will of the most horrific of brainwashing entities known only as “the party”. It is not fully understood if this “party” refers to some sort of mind numbing creature or if it’s perhaps a cult like group that despises any independent thought.

Visit the “Red” chamber, where the ghosts of former politicians and patronage appointees roam aimlessly. These spirits are responsible only to their political masters, but don’t fear them, for they are weak and essentially harmless. Just remember, you may have to look closely to spot one as many of the creatures known as "senators" only appear in the chamber on rare occasions.
The red chamber is a place where men and women who once fought valiantly for their people willingly relinquish their credibility, sense of reason and have their very hearts ripped from their still moving bodies.

If your will is strong, and your nerves don’t “give up the ghost”, you might also want to stop by the lower chamber.

This area is known as the “House of Commons” referring to the “commoners” who are rarely allowed inside its cavernous maw, is a place where after endless tortured debate, the hopes, dreams and aspirations of millions of taxpayers die a horrible death or are corrupted to match the will of the hollow spirits that dwell within.

The terrible acts that take place in the two main chambers of the House of Horrors are not for the faint of heart but they are nothing to those acts committed behind the closed doors of this massive stone structure. Whatever you do, do not cast your eyes beyond the most public of areas or you may never be the same again.

In the deepest recesses men and women, who in public appear almost normal, quietly make plans among themselves that the average mortal can only imagine in their worst nightmares. Decisions are made to send men to their deaths in war torn countries. The wanton destruction of entire industries and the livelihoods of thousands are gambled away as if with some unholy deck of cards. It is here that the coldest and most calculating of decisions are made on which of Canada’s people will prosper and which will whither away and die.

As you wander the corridors keep your eyes open for such strange beings as the “back bencher”, the “whip” or the rarely seen but much talked about “usher of the black rod”. At all costs, beware of the ultimate unholy power lurking inside the House, the PM.

Since the beginning there have been many powerful leaders of those who spend their time in Canada’s House of Horrors. The latest all powerful Master is one whose true motives are as yet unknown. He is a spectre who can strike his minions mute by the shear power of his presence, is quick to banish anyone who disputes his omnipotence and relishes preying on the weak.

Canada’s Official House of Horrors is a must see this Halloween but one word of caution, don’t bring your loot bag hoping to receive some special treat. All treats are reserved for those living in the closest proximity to the House and for those who come dressed as some indefinable entity referred to as a “nation within a nation”. All others are the beneficiaries of only the most terrible of tricks.

8 comments:

Shane said...

you know dude, its getting a little old with these silly blogs about how lousy Canada is. There's problems in our federal system for sure and there will no doubt always remain some animosity between the Provinces and Ottawa as they are locked in a power struggle. Frankly, i think Canada is the greatest system on the planet.

calvin said...

"Frankly, i think Canada is the greatest system on the planet."

Gee shane ,i would love to sit down with you ,have a beer maybe ,and discuss why you think this country is so great.

Personally I think that this country is the biggest flop in the western world.If you had two children ,no matter the age,would you treat them differant.Canada does this to its Provinces.

And if we wonder off to discuss federalism ,i can think of a few agreements that show how federalisam is truely flawed in this country.Meech Lake being one.I dont blame you for loving your country.I just believe that you should keep yourself informed so you don't lose it ,like Newfoundlanders ,and Labradorians lost thiers.

time for a change said...

Hey calvin. Why don't you just move? Better still, separate.

Anonymous said...

Canada IS the best place on the planet and if you don'think so, feel free to find a better place.

And by the way, the Newfoundland accent is not "quaint"--it's annoying and sounds uneducated.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 1:27pm said,

"the Newfoundland accent is not "quaint"--it's annoying and sounds uneducated"

I'm not from Newfoundland but I don't see anythinng wrong with the accent of people there. People all over the world have accents of different kinds. This is part of what makes us all unique. If anything, your comment makes you sound not only uneducated, but bigoted.

The fact that your only response to the political attitude on this site is to attack someone's accent speaks volumes about your character and you inability to make any salient arguements.

calvin said...

time for a change said...
Hey calvin. Why don't you just move? Better still, separate.

October 29, 2007 10:02 PM


I will state that yes ,i do strongly support secession.Do i feel that Newfoundland and Labrador will bring it about.No.

Alot of people will say that i am a dreamer and that the Province will never take this route.

Unlike Quebec or Alberta the province of Newfoundland and Labrador does not have a separtist party as such.I will state that i am a strong supporter of the NLfirst Party and believe that the stand taken by people of this Province and this Party is long over-due.

So I do not place my trust in my own people and i look to Quebec to do the nasty for us.

the Newfoundland accent is not "quaint"--it's annoying and sounds uneducated.

October 30, 2007 1:27 PM

As for this remark ,I get this all day long.It shows me one thing and one thing only.Canada cannot and does not stand for the principles it embraces.Your mother must be proud of your Intelect.

Simon said...

Is Canada flawed because Meech Lake failed? Or because it almost succeeded?

calvin said...

October 31, 2007 1:50 AM

As to your comment simon,i would say that Meech lake showed us how flawed the Federal system truely is.

I myself have come to the conclusion that if Meech had to pass it would have created a lop sided Federal system that would have done nothing but contradict it self.Far greater then what it does now.

No province has the right to tell another how to run its affairs, or implement any law that affects the people of that place.Who are you or I to tell a native person in the north west terroitys how to live when we live in Newfoundland and Labrador.What does a voter in BC know about the Lobster fishery in Nova Scotia.Nothing.

In my eye's (and I'm only pointing my beliefs here)the most dangerouse thing is a central power that believes it knows what is best for that area.Ottawa has proved this time and time again ,with the fishery in Newfoundland and Labrador ,the aboriginal people in the north ,and the differential treatment it has given Quebec.Unless canada is a willing entity in the eqaul treatment of all its citizens ,its doomed befor it starts.

Why deny or fight what is bound to happen.