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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Political Heaven or Democratic Hell?

Not so far into the future the day finally arrives when Stephen Harper shuffles off this mortal coil and, as we all must, arrives at the pearly gates to learn his fate for all of eternity.

'Welcome to forever,' says kindly old St. Peter as he greets the one time Prime Minister in a Fatherly sort of way.

“Thank-you St. Peter” the former Mr. Harper responds. “I’m glad to see I made it to Heaven. Then again I knew I would after so many years of public service to my fellow man.”

“Not so fast,” replies St. Peter. “I have orders from the Big Guy Himself in how I should dispense with your special case.”

“Since you have spent your lifetime working in a democratic environment, where people are free to choose their future as they see fit, I’ve been ordered to give you a choice rarely offered. You have a choice between spending an eternity in Heaven or in Hell,” St. Peter says. “It’s your call.”

“Well, that’s an easy choice,” replies Harper, “I choose Heaven of course”.

“Unfortunately it’s not that easy,” continues St. Peter, “you see all you think you know about the afterlife comes from what you’ve read or heard from others while on earth. In order to make sure you have a full understanding of the choice placed before you God has ordered that you spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Only after you have done this will you be able to make an informed decision on your future.”

'But I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' Harper replies.'

I'm sorry. But we have our rules,' Peter interjects. And, with that he escorts Harper to an elevator where he goes down, down, down...all the way to Hell.

When the doors open Harper finds himself standing at the edge of a lush golfcourse. The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 23 degrees. In the distance is the most stately and beautiful club house he has ever seen.

Standing near him are dozens of people he has known and worked closely with in the past. All of whom have pre-deceased him of course.

Brian Mulroney smiles knowingly and waves him over for a chat.

Ryan Sparrow is lining up an easy 2 foot putt while past cabinet ministers and caucus members look on dressed in the most expensive clothing, sipping cool drinks and simply enjoying the perfection of a marvelous day.

As Harper approaches, one by one they begin to turn toward him with welcoming smiles and warm handshakes the likes of which he never experienced in all of his years on earth.

Eagerly they surround him and begin to reminisce about the good times and how they helped shape the future of an entire Country. Eventually they invite him to join them in a round of golf where he discovers that he simply cannot miss a shot no matter how difficult it might seem. He finishes with a score that would be the envy of even the best PGA pro.

Near the day’s end they all retire to the club house where they dine luxuriously on the juiciest Nova Scotia lobster and Alberta beef ever to grace a dining plate, all washed down the most expensive French wine which flows throughout the meal like tap water.

Finally the Devil himself arrives for an after dinner cognac and personally offers his guest a snifter to finish off the evening.

“Really I can’t, says Harper. I’ve imposed enough.

“Don’t be so foolish my friend”, says the Devil. “This is hell. Despite what you may have heard to the contrary we are all friends here. We look out for one another. You can eat and drink to your hearts delight. You’ve led a long and eventful life and you deserve a break. It’s your turn to reap the benefits of all your hard work. Believe me it just gets better from here.”

Harper takes the cognac and sips it slowly as he listens to a joke or two as told by the Devil himself, realizing that, in spite of his reputation, the prince of the underworld is really not such a bad fellow after all.

Before he knows it, it's time to go. Everyone gives the former Prime Minister a big hug and waves as he hesitantly steps onto the elevator and heads upward toward Heaven.When the doors open, he is once again greeted by St. Peter who informs him that it’s now time to visit Heaven.

Once inside the pearly gates Harper is left to hang out with large groups of honest, good natured and well meaning people for a full 24 hours. During that time the residents of Heaven sit around in flowing robes and simply enjoy each other's company while talking about beauty, philosophy and the daily activities of the mere mortals below them.

There is not a stiff drink to be had, no lush golf course to play on and no fancy clothes to wear. Yes, the food is good but it’s by no means lobster or prime steak and the worst part of all is the fact that most of the residents appear to be from a poorer class than he would prefer to associate himself with.

He doesn't see anybody he knows and isn't even treated like someone special!

With the day done, St. Peter returns and says, 'Well Stephen, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now must choose where you want to live for all of eternity. Please pick your future."

With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme music playing softly in the background, the former Mr. Harper reflects on his fortunes for a minute or so. Then answers:

“Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all --but I really think I belong in Hell with all of my friends.”

“I thought you might feel that way”, replies St. Peter who gently escorts him to the elevator where once again he descends down, down,down, all the way to Hell.

When the doors open this time he finds himself not on a lush golf course but instead in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste. A place every bit as desolate as the hottest Arab desert, but worse, far, far worse.

The former Harper is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in filthy rags and chained together, picking up roadside rubbish and dead animals before placing the vile refuse in black plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, their faces and hands blackened with putrid grease and grime. As he stands there speechless the Devil comes over and puts an arm around his shoulder.

“I don't understand,” stammers a shocked Harper, “Yesterday when I was here there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and drank cognac. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland and nothing is as it seemed back then”

The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, “Didn’t St. Peter tell you that God wanted you to exercise your democratic right based on freedom of choice?”

“Well, yes, but things seemed so different yesterday, this is not what I wanted”, Harper whines.

“Oh, yes but you see yesterday we were Campaigning for your support. Now that you’ve made your decision it’s back to business as usual. Thanks for your vote by the way.”

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

He He He,Funny Myles

Anonymous said...

This would be humorous if it wasn't so true, and sad.

Once again the public, including the people of NL, have spent the last few years sitting back, ignoring what has been going on in our political world, only to finally decide to tune in during the election campaign and vote for who ever had the best slogans, advertizing and spin doctoring.

NL had a chance, at least in 3 ridings, to vote for a party that would stand up for its needs but did they? NO, instead they voted for federal parties once again.

How many times can someone try to tell the public that the current federal system is not working and they need to find an alternative. Ottawa won't change unless it is forced to do so and it won't be forced to change unless the people wake up and make them do it.

Canada is in a "Hell" of our own making and we have nobody to blame for it but ourselves for being too lazy to concern ourselves with what's going on.

Ask any average person on the street, outside of the few who visit sites like this, and most of them don't even know who the member in their riding is, they don't know what the major issues are and what's worse they don't even seem to care as long as they have a roof over their heads, supper on the table and a cold beer on the weekend.

Is that all there is to the way of life we have our sons and daughters fighting to protect?

Dave said...

Well said Anonymous 3:23pm

There is nothing that feeds the status quo of political injustice better and is move loved by politicians in power than an electorate that is asleep.

Many civilizations around the world, some lasting for thousands of years, have fallen into the faded memory of history for exactly this reason. Unfettered power and a citizenry that became so uncaring that their country fell into ruin.

Canada, it seems, will eventually become one of those footnotes to history. Let's just hope the people of NL wake up before that happens so we can survive the collapse and continue as we once did, free!!!

NL-ExPatriate said...

You have to ask yourself, well at least I had to ask myself. Is the objective to get elected or to push our message and affect change in our systemically flawed political system of Per Capita colonialism?

Personally I feel that ideally the NL-FIRST party would have to disband itself because it has achieved it's objective of equality for NL within a united confederation.

When you consider that I personally only handed out 1000 brochures only had my 50 signs up for a little over a week, am relatively an unknown entity and an expatriate who returned home from BC to give the people of my homeland a real choice from all of the national parties who have to win ON/QU to win power, was excluded from the University debate, had one hell of a time trying to get my 4 minutes a week on the open line shows yet nearly 500 citizens decided to step outside of their comfort zone and the status Quo of insane politics where by Vote splitting and strategic voting will never change anything.

You also have to look at how we pushed the envelope made NL's issues be addressed during the election. Things like marine Atlantic, Toeing the national party line of doing what's in the best interest of ON/QU to get elected just to name a few. We have put all of the national parties on notice that if they don't pay attention to NL's issues and allow NL's MP's to speak their mind and voice the concerns of NL they now have an option to cross the floor and stand up as NL-FIRST MP's and the next election the people of NL will have a real choice in not only three ridings but all 7 ridings and for those who want they can even vote swap from any riding in the country to make their disenfranchised NL voice heard right here at home.

Now we need to set up 7 riding associations and start building for the next time and the next time.

Thank-You Greg Byrne!